I have looked to my creative side when I’ve felt all alone. When I needed chance to reflect on life. To feel as though I can create something that not only do I get satisfaction knowing that I’ve made it, but also more importantly I feel, I’ve made someone smile. This, to me means the world, as I sometimes feel that I am disconnecting from the real world. My trauma at times is so soul destroying, I struggle to show or release emotions at times, and as you can appreciate this can be overwhelming.
Through my crafts I can channel my thoughts through my creativity. A very good distraction tool I find!
This blog allows me to have a valuable connection to the outside world. To actually feel as though I still have a purpose in life. This may seem difficult for some people to read, but even though I have my loved ones, I feel alone when I struggle with my invisible disability and PTSD. I cannot at times even comprehend the impact it has over me. The power it has trying to dictate to me what I can and cannot do. My stubbornness then rears its head and shouts ‘how dare you dictate what I can and cannot do’, I then fight against it, trying all the time to get the upper hand, do I succeed? Of course not, my body seems to be very responsive to the dreaded fibromyalgia and CFS. How do I try to overcome this you may ask? Well, the simple answer is ‘ I do not’. Instead I try and push against the boundaries that are now set, someone has moved these boundaries without my say so, ‘how dare they, this isn’t what I’ve agreed too’ this unacceptance of my current health is a constant battle.
However, I have my loving partner, and children who keep me going! Times can be hard, as at times I feel that my mood can change at any time and that’s not good 😩
I have a little thought in my head that says, remember how to pace yourself, I acknowledge this thought, and respond with ‘ yes, I know, I’ll just Finish this, and this, then I’ll sit down’ however, I know that this is not the case, I continue with more jobs as I feel it’s my duty as a mummy to complete the tasks. The outcome is lots of pain, tiredness and frustration.
This is not working 😳
So my new method has been to introduce my crafts! Crochet and knitting, at the moment. But due to concentration issues and fibro fog, knitting can be hard, so at present I enjoy crocheting! Mermaid tails and C2C at present! It’s makes my children happy, so makes me happy 😍
I shall report my progress on here!